How to Go to the Banya

The secret to being a good person is the banya. I would be the nicest if each of my days started with three kinds of saunas, interspersed with dips in cool water, a cold beer, and an hour long massage. Where else can a woman feel so much physical freedom, than half-napping naked on a hot marble slab?

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Banya is essentially the Russian word for sauna. I regret that it took me so long to get to Keremet (the biggest in Astana) but every time I planned to go with friends, one of us was hungover. And hungover banya sounds like a terrible idea.

People often go to the banya with friends/family of the same gender, since it’s not co-ed (yes, everyone is naked). But it’s perfectly fine to go alone. I’d recommend going with friends the first time since it’s a bit of a maze.

Shout out to this excellent post that gives a lot of detail.

No other relevant pics in this post for obvious reasons.

Why You Should Go

  • Who doesn’t love a sauna? There are like three different kinds at Keremet. Dry, steamy, and the hammam room, with a big octogonal marble slab to lie on.
  • It’s the best way to just chill. the. eff. out.
  • $40 CAD hour long massage.
  • Beer and snacks (outside of the sauna parts, of course).
  • You can get everything from massages to haircuts to pedicures (for additional $)

What to Bring

  • Flip flops (though you can rent sandals there for 100 tenge)
  • A towel
  • Cash – any services you purchase can only be paid for in cash. Entry is 2000 tenge, body scrub (pronounced: peel-ay) is 5000, a massage is 6000.
  • Shower cap or traditional felt hat. Hair shedding is a faux-pas.
  • Shower gel/shampoo/conditioner for showering off at the end of the day

The Process

When you enter Keremet, you first purchase a ticket to enter into the banya. You’re given a locker key, and orange blanket type thing, and then you go to the locker room, get undressed, grab your orange thing, put on your flip flops/sandals and shower cap/felt hat, and off you go!

Keremet is a bit overwhelming because there are different levels and rooms and even finding your way back to your locker can be a challenge. But don’t worry about it. Just chill, explore, alternate going into the different saunas with dipping in the cold pool. Grab a beer. Get a massage. And feel amazing the whole rest of the day.

Branches

While the anomalies of my massage included a stomach massage (not good after fried chicken and beer for lunch) with a quick breast massage (in the most non-sexual way possible, but still made me go, “whoa”), there was no branch hitting during the hour. You can certainly buy branches at the banya but at least at Keremet, you’re left with your friends and family to hit each other.

Also, the branches are surprisingly expensive (about $25). I see them at grocery stores sometimes, maybe those are cheaper.

Aside 

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I went to the banya again last Saturday after placing ladies’ third in a 10k race (53:16 – so very nice after my half-marathon slog). The organizers messed up the announcements but I made sure to be a real poor sport and have my placement recognized. I had a feeling it was down to myself and one other woman (other than the Almaty Marathon, races in KZ don’t have high #s of participants yet) and figured this was my only chance to place in a race ever. She was ahead of me the entire race but I sprinted the last km to beat her by something like 30 seconds.

No medal though, since the ladies’ 10k gold and bronze medals were swiped by some presumably non-English speaking construction workers, along with a bunch of t-shirts and safety pins. Banya was reward enough!

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